When she picked up the fabric she said, “So it looks like you did have this hobby before, right?”

I was defensive, “I still do. I just made it a career, and that was a mistake.”

“Oh. Wow.”

I feel often like I have to explain myself. It’s viewed as oversharing to explain yourself, so I guess I feel often like I have to overshare. It’s a defense mechanism to overshare. I feel often like I have to defend myself.

Why do I do this?

A friend of mine would spill some letters out that have been diagnosed, affixed on my doctor’s sheet. They can say “It’s adhd” like that explains it. What I hear is just “You get these services, hypothetically, in some circumstances.”

I do this thing tho where I take a swig of a new lemonade and then condense it down till it’s just sticky, spending thousands of dollars to do so, until it’s too sticky to swallow and then I have to sell it.

That’s what happened with sewing.

I can never just casually like anything. Maybe it’s the letters, maybe it’s cuz I’m an addict, maybe it’s WHATEVEr explanation that doesn’t at all help me not to do the thing, that in fact gives me an excuse to.

That’s it, that’s why it makes me mad. Those diagnoses as explanations. I don’t care. I don’t want to spend thousands of dollars every time I have a passing interest. I want to have passing interests. I want to be able to like something casually without shaping my identity around it.

And my wallet, haha.

Ugh.