My first sponsor was a gangly, 24 year old gay guy at the first meeting I ever went to. He was one of two who raised his hand to say they could sponsor, and I chose him because he was closer in age to me. Also, because he had just shared that he had just reached a year and this amazed me. It was my guess he was the only one with that much time.

“Excuse me, uh,” I said. “Will you be my sponsor?”

“Oh my gosh, yes! You’ll be my first sponsee!” He said, hugging me.

Boy was he in for it.

He sponsored me through rehab, and then for maybe an hour after. He told me to call him when I got out. I waited until after I had smoked the butts of spliffs, and then called him crying.

My second sponsor was a latinx woman with a london accent who didn’t eat meat and rode a moped everywhere. She was so cool it hurt to ask her, but she said, “Yes darling of course,” and she took me through the steps up till 9, and then told me she didn’t think I was ready to sponsor and I “””””dumped””” her for

My third sponsor was a wiry white girl with glasses who lived far away. She had been someone I called for a while, a friend maybe, and sponsorship ruined us. The first time I told her I wanted to drink she kinda freaked out.

My fourth was Greg.

What can I say? He was there, he was square, and he said something that hit me. I didn’t have a sponsor at the time. I asked him to.

“Sure,” he said, staring at me, “Uh, why?”

I shrugged.

I faltered after that a bit. Tried asking a pet groomer with long brown hair to sponsor me, tried london accent again, and then came back to a solid fact that was honestly kinda weird, cuz like, why?

Greg and I had worked the best together so far. I had made the most progress while he was my sponsor.

This shit’s about surrendering, so I surrendered. He’s not a latinx woman with a london accent who rides a moped. He’s not someone with decades of sobriety who flips his long brown hair back when something displeases him. He’s not am wiry glasses girl I met at the beginning, tho I did meet him at the beginning.

It went like this:

“So, you hiked the AT? Tell me about that. I’m about to try that.”

“I detoxed alone on the AT. I’m detoxing alone now, even amongst all of you, oh, woe is me, poor me, I wanna die, I-“

“Yeah, yeah, that sucks. But I mean, the AT, huh? You know, I’m about to try that. What was it like?”

He’s a person who would be awkward if he cared less. I cannot fathom what he was like drunk. Probably annoying.

But I’m doing good.