King Stephen truly is a monumental fool.

Burn all the spinning wheels? That’ll stop the all-powerful magical being I’ve slighted. Let’s invite these fucking fools tho, they’ll make our daughter hot and good at singing.

Can you imagine what gift Malificent would’ve been able to give her? If King Stephen hadn’t done whatever–I’m sure SERIES of things–he’d done to get on Malificent’s bad side?

I’ve seen Malificent’s movie, I know, I’m not talking about that, I’m just talking about Sleeping Beauty, the fucking gorgeous yet stupid cartoon my daughter is obsessed with.

We’ve decided to do this thing where she doesn’t watch tv all day, which is, you know, good. For sure good. Between the hours of 9:30 and 4:30, no TV. She only goes to school three days a week, and as two depressed yet busy people, we have relied on TV as a babysitter, unfortunately. It’s time to cut that shit out.

Not cut it out entirely, though. We are still right now watching Sleeping Beauty.

There’s a part in this movie where the two kings are drinking and get into an argument about whether or not their kids want to bang. There’s a part where the other one suggests maybe they don’t, and King Stephen bellows, “This means war!” and the drunk jester under the table gurgles and the kingdom, unknowingly poised on the brink of war, goes quiet. Then they sing a dumb song and all is resolved.

My daughter is too young to know how terrible this is. Yet, how many wars throughout history have been personal arguments posed by the powerful, fueled by the bodies of those they represent? How many people have died, throughout history, because their king got drunk and disagreed with another king?

I’m so tired of this bs. Nine thirty, here we come.